Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
