you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
