we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
