On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
