I just threw up on my dentist
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
