My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
