if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it's like iHOP with fire
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Couch. On fire.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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