I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
