overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
