I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
