Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
