So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i now understand why vodka
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
