dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
