Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
