Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
