she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
