Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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