i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
