i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
