Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
