birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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