the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He literally asked permission to hit on me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
