i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
