I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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