This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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