My nipple is on Facebook.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
