JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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