"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Buhtt sex?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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