i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
