Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
