census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
