listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
