I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
