I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
