I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
