Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
