Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
