He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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