4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
false alarm, still single
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