I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
