I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
