He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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