were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
