dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
