you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
