He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
