I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
