I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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