im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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