Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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