I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I puked a lego.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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