First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
